Kids Say the Funniest Things

I was doing a lesson on “I can ...” “Can you …?” and reviewing a few of the words from the previous lesson using my flash cards. There is this handicapped girl in the class who loves English. She does quite well and enthusiastically yells answers out with great gusto and confidence, even if she's wrong. The words were simple like “Baseball. I can play baseball.” “Swim. I can swim.” and I get the students to repeat after I say them. Then it came to “Cook”, at which point this girls begins yelling out at the top of her voice a distinctive “COCK”; repeatedly. The 'home room teacher' (HRT) I was working with doesn't have an amazing level of English, but judging by his reaction, I had a far idea that he had understood as well. She was still saying it. “Cock, cock, cock!” It took me a little longer than usual to regain my composure. I tried to re-pronounce the word without drawing attention to her as if I let on to the rest of the class this is a bad word, they'll then want to know what it mean and I'm not digging myself in to that hole (Again). So I repeated “Cook. I can cook.” Unfortunately she didn't grasp the subtle difference and I was hit with another flurry of “Cock!” I turned to her, my HRT now in a fit of giggles, but also a little perturbed; “No, coook.” “Cock.” “No, cooook. I can cooook.” “Cock. I can cock.” Needless to say this went on a while, but its hard to describe that bizarre feeling of a small Japanese child shouting 'cock' in a classroom.

The same day, I had my lunch with a very energetic first grade elementary school class. I had finished my school lunch and one or two other kids had finished by that point too. They went to the teacher to ask for dessert. I was a little confused as there was no dessert today. It turned out they were stickers, awarded to children who eat all their lunch before the bell. As I had finished I was apparently also eligible for a sticker and so I obtained myself a doughnut for my polo-shirt. The kids were then showing me all the stickers they had collected over the last few weeks. One cheeky little boy came up to me and presented his sticker of a hot-dog. He said “Frankfurter” point to the sticker and then to his gentleman parts with the cheekiest, proudest smile on his little face. I thought, I have to diffuse this now. So I thought the best thing was to correct him. “No, thats a 'sausage'” pointing at the sticker. To which he said “Sausage?” pointing at the sticker. “Yes”. He then shouted “SAUSAGE!!!!!!” point again at his crotch, running off to tell all his classmates. I should have seen that one coming really.