I'm Big In Japan!

Japanese Sweet Treats

I decided the other day that I would only have so much time left in Japan, so I needed to try all the weird sweets while I could. I got my self some of the premium selections, including green tea shortbread biscuits, chocolate with real orange bits in it, chocolate in a biscuit coating and 'soda' flavoured bubble-gum. Not forgetting my favourite Dars, it has such a melty inside!

How Much for a Grape?!?

Something that surprised me about Japan is the price of fruit. Back home, I know Britain isn't the best climate to grow fruit, but somehow we get by. Our climate is obviously good for apples and pears and these can be bought extremely cheaply. But even friuit from abroad is inexpensive. But in Japan, fruit is like a gift; and I'm not being metaphorical, people actually give them as gifts. I saw in Okayama airport as we went to Okinawa small boxes of grapes, 2 for 5500 yen. Thats about £48. Thats £24 for a small box of grapes!!! Seriously. The grapes they also have are more like the times used for making wine. I actually prefer these, as the flavour is stronger, although the skin is tough and most people peel their grapes (You have to have a lot of patience to peal a bowl of grapes).

I thought that being in Okayama, a place famous for grapes and peaches, I would be swimming in an excess of fruit, but two large peaches will easily set you back a good 600 yen (About £5) and the cheapest I've found a small bunch of grapes was about the same, and that was direct from the farm. I don't understand how Japan has the climate for fruit, but is pricey? Japanese people do demand that there should be no inperfections in the fruit and the price increases with the size of the fruit. I've seen apples the size of my head, but to be honest, they just taste water! Japanese people don't seem to get that the smaller they are, the more concentrated the flavour is.

But of course Maki's parents have made their living from the sale of their mangos, which can fetch a pretty penny. But the amount of love and care that has to get into them is extensive, considering that any discolouring, scratches of blemishes with affect the price. It is a real labour of love. And at least here, the taste is devine.  

Company Policy

While certain things in Japan work much better than the UK; trains arrive on time, theft doesn't really exist and people are polite; as I have learnt, there is always a payoff.

I have mentioned the phrase “The nail that sticks out, gets hammered down” before about Japan, and for me, it symbolises a lot about Japanese people. No one wants to be the one to question something, where as in Britain it's a common past-time. This has an odd effect on business and rights. People work late, because they are told to with few holidays and little pay. The average worker doesn't really have much rights and whether as in the UK we might set out to sue for such illegal infringements, the Japanese seem to roll over and accept their fate.

My personal 'beef' is with 'Softbank', a mobile phone and internet provider here in Japan. As you also might remember, obtaining a mobile in Japan was one of the single most stressful and frustrating moments in my life. They seemingly add extra costs for no reason and the process is about as transparent as lead. Well, one of those costs that I pay, every month, is for insurance on my phone. A little while ago I dropped my precious little iPhone and the back panel shattered (Apple, seriously, glass?). I thought I should get it repaired as I know from my contract it says that they will repair and pay for 80% of the cost of repair. Once in the store we found this was not the case. They will repair it, but I need to pay for it all up front, around 13,000 yen (Over £100). But I am told I will get it back. Back from deductions of excess that I spend on phones per month. What? What have I been paying insurance for? I consulted the English contract I had signed and it said nothing about this. They said “Oh, you have to see the Japanese contract.” I said “I didn't sign a Japanese contract, I signed this one.” and it went back and forth like this for a while. They then said its in the brochure as well. I took out my brochure which I was give and the time and said “Show me where?!” The brochure was in Japanese and English and both said NOTHING about this method of payment and only mentioned that they pay 80% of the cost. Because we started to make a very valid point, they then took the single stubborn tact of “Its company policy.” What, it's 'Company Policy' to con me and change a contract I have signed without my consent? They would not move and it seemed there was nothing I could do. Not manager to talk to, nothing. I was shocked.

The second sting in the tail is that although I've paid for this iPhone outright, in full to begin with, I still have to pay about 10,000 yen to cancel the contract and they lock the phone, which is mine, to only their network, so I can't use it with other service providers. When I asked why, they said “Its company policy.”

Softbank is starting up in the USA soon, I wonder what they will think of their 'Company Policy'?

Kyushoku Lunch time Dairies

Got a chou-cream cake for dessert for lunch today. Amazing. Plus there were loads of student off school with the flu (10 out of a class of 30), so more left over for the big gaijin!

Hadaka Matsuri (Or Naked Man Festival) - 裸祭り

I've done some pretty crazy things in my life. I've eaten snake. I've jumped in a hole in an icy lake. I've stroked a full grown wild tiger. But my recent escapade goes right up there with the others, if not eclipses them. I took part in the most insane festival possible to imagine. I took part in the Hadaka Matsuri 裸祭り!

Imagine this: 9,000 semi-naked men running through the streets, on a bitterly cold February night, wearing nothing but a small Japanese style loin cloth (A Fundoshi フンドシ) and traditional socks (Tabi 足袋) and your still not even close to the full madness. All these men are then paraded around the streets chanting themselves into a frenzy while people throw freezing cold water on them.

They are then funnelled into a small alley where police stand firm and female onlookers are whipping up a frenzy of their own, until you reach the grounds of Saidaiji temple (西大寺). Here they are 'cleansed' with a pool of freezing water, just over waist high (Not forgetting your only wearing a loin cloth and a pair of socks on a cold night, outside). The parade then takes you around the temple its self where more onlookers cheer and high-five you. You are blessed for good luck and then you enter 'the arena!' Here, you must wait, patiently, naked, wet, in the cold, for... ...wait for it.... ...sticks.

The aim of the game is to complete with the 9,000 other naked men for one of two stick filled with incense, trying not to be; beaten, full down the steps to the temple, crushed, wrestled to the ground or trodden on, in the process. If you are lucky enough to survive this gauntlet with sticks in hand, you will achieve hero like status, as well as being blessed for a year and a substantial cash price!

This is what I did. Not the hero like status, blessed, cash rich part; the attempting part to become the former. Loin clothed, wet and cold in the streets of Japan, wrestling with others for a glimpse of stick. It was nothing short of total insanity and carnage. I have on occasion defend the 'Japanese people are crazy' stereotype, but after this I don't have a leg to stand on.

There were countdowns to the dropping of the sticks and once it reached a minute before, the tension and atmosphere was electric. Just before the sticks were dropped, the lights went out, something of which I had no idea.

Managing to survive the cold and I made my way up the steps to the temple, where pushing serge which caused men to topple down the stairs head-over-heals, one on top of another like human dominos. Having made it to the top of the stairs I narrowly avoided such doom on more than one occasion, hit the deck to prevent a slinky affect and digging my feet in while grab hold of the nearest free Japanese mans limb, seemed to fair me well. Once I squeezed my way in to the human bait ball, the all new danger of being crushed to death became all too realistic. With men more tightly compacted than a Tokyo commuter train, it was hard to breath and I was even unable to move an arm it was so densely packed. I couldn't and I'm not sure I would have even wanted to make it close to the epicentre of the riot, where I presume the sticks were, but I'm told warmth from the shared body heat is so intense it is like the hottest sauna.

This battle lasted for over an hour, with the sticks moved and fought over in big huddles until they reached their final destination and the event was over. Naked man roamed the streets and disappeared into the night, as did I; confused, shocked, cold and tired. If someone asks me “Are Japanese people really that crazy?” again, I will refer them to the Hadaka Matsuri.

 

Valentines Day

The day for couples in the UK is, in Japan is a day for men. It's a time when women make, bake or buy chocolates for the males in their life. However, this isn't solely restricted to romanic partners or potential suiters, but also friends and colleagues! I can only see this creating a level of uncertainty of the level of the gift, but for all tense and purposes it seems to work ok.

My wife gave me a posh section box of pristine chocolates, dashed with gold and shaped into flowers and the like. They taste heavenly and I shall have to ration them out so as not to devour them in one sitting.

I also was given a beautiful little pink chocolate rabbit by one of my fellow teachers (FYI, everyone got one, so this clearly fits in the 'colleague' category) and it was obvious she had spend some time crafting them to make various little cute animals like dogs, cats and pigs.

Japan is nothing if not a obsessed with seasonal consumerism as the shops are also full with various moulds, icing spoons and books on how to craft such chocolate filled delights. Not to mention chocolates to buy that have been sculpted, coloured and layered in decoration and packaging to create something of more visual worth.

And for those of you who are wondering, women get their turn a month later on 'White Day' when men, according to my wife, men “...give expensive handbags to their partners!” Considering my wife's handbag addition, I might have to google that one first, but nice try darling.

Lunch Time Diaries

I have been trying to get photos of my lunch as often as I can as I wanted to give you a wide range of what I'm eating, so here it is:

Oh No You Didn't!

I seen a lot of teachers being man handled by their students and I've been totally shocked by the level of it. So far I had been able to maintain an ora of “Touch me and I'll knock your head clean of your shoulders”, a look I mastered on the mean streets of London Town. Even the rough older kids at the Junior High have a certain amount of respect for me. Of course youngest of students have no problem being a little bit physical but they don't know any better and its all playful anyway. However, that all came to an end last Tuesday:

It was a 5^th grade lesson and I was trying to enter the classroom when a boy who has been getting too big for his boots lately had blocked my way with a star shape across the door way. I asked him to move, politely, a few times, but the boy was fixed on his goal. I gently took his hand from the door gave a smile and a nod and entered the room, only to feel a firm punch on my back. I was not assumed. It gets to me sometimes the lack of respect teachers get, sleeping in class, constant chat back and physical attacks, but it's almost never treated as a big thing. I turned to give the boy a stern look to which he giggled and ran away. I yelled after him in my angry Japanese voice “おかしいじゃないよ！ (That isn't funny!)”

The boy evaded me until just before the start of the lesson, but I cornered him with the HRT (Home Room Teacher) and explained to her what had happened. She is the nicest teacher I have and a delight to work with, but she was even less amused by his actions than I was; partly because I'm a 'guest' and partly because this is her student, and proceeded to yell at him for a good 10 minutes. The boy slinked back into the lesson with his head low and tail well and truly between his leg. I had been avoiding this kind of conflict as I don't want to alienate the students but for me this crossed a line. I don't think I'll be having problems with this from this boy again.

Lunch Conversation

This is a conversation I had at lunch time with my junior high school 3^rd graders. The conversations were in good humour but their knowledge was severely lacking in both English and geography. Everything in Yellow is me, everything is blue is a male student and pink is the female students.

“Hello!” “Hello.” Giggles from the girls. “How are you?” “Huh?” “How are you?” “何て言いましたか？(What did he says?)” “げんきですか？(How are you?)” “Oh, I'm fine.” “And how are you?” “I'm cold!” “Me too, and I'm hungry.  Do you like curry and rice?” “Huh?” Giggles from the girls. “Do you like curry and rice?” “Oh, Yes!”

“ジョン先生の国はどこですか？(Where are you from?)” “What? Where am I from?” Student nods. “You don't know?!?! Why don't you know?” Gesturing to all the students. “I'm from Japan!” Confused looks. “Only joking, I'm from England.” Students laugh. “イギリスはどこですか？(Where is England?)” “Excuse me! You don't know where England is?” “いいえ。(No.)” Other students shrug. “I had a map on the English wall all November!” Blank faces. “Europe, France, North.” I say, gesturing the location in the air. They still look confused. One boy pulls out his geography book. "Spain?"  “What? No England. More north.” “Sweden?” “West.” “Norway?” “WEST!” Giggles from the girls. I point on the book. “Here.” “ここ？(Here?）” “No, that's Ireland. Here” “Oh, England!” “You really didn't know?” “No.” “ほんと？(Really?)” “いいえ。(No!)” “Do you know the UK and England aren't the same?” “Not the same?” “No.イギリスは一つの国。England is one country. UKは四つの国。The UK is 4 countries; England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.” “Eh?” “I explained this in my self introduction!” Sigh. “Ah, you have the British flag on your pencil case.” I gesture. “これ？(This).” “Yes.” “イギリス(England?)” “No, thats the flag of (I pause to think that they won't understand the Britain) the UK.” The don't look interested, so I move on...

“What did you do at the weekend?” “???” “What, did you, do at the weekend?” “Weekend?” “しゅうまつ(Weekend).” “しゅうまつに何をしたかしりたい(Oh, he wants to know what we did at the weekend).” “Yes.” “TV-games.” “You mean you played computer games?” “TV-games.” “Computer games! What computer games?” He said something I didn't know. “I like Mario Kart!” “What did you do on the weekend?” “Eh?” “What, did you, do at the weekend?” “Weekend?” “しゅうまつ(Weekend).” “Oh. Study.” “What did you study” “Math.” “Not English?” “No.”

“Do you like curry and rice?” I say gesturing to a boy who has gone back for more curry and rice. “50-50.” “50-50? Ah, you mean so-so.” “Yes, so-so.” “Are you hungry?” “No.” “But why do you have so much?” “Huh?” “But why do you have so much?” “Strong!” “You want to be strong?” The boy nods taking another mouth full pulling a face of dislike. The other students laugh.

“Do you understand Japanese?” “No, I don't” They didn't seem to click this was a joke as I've been responding to everything they're saying in Japanese. Sigh. Nobody understands me...

Udon Making

As party of Maki's birthday weekend, we went Udon making. Udon (Those of you not in the know) is a fat noodle, usually eaten in a soup/sauce. The beginning process was some what unorthodox as we had to stamp, dance and jig on the dough to make it as dense as possible. We then rolled it out bigger and bigger, folded and cut into the square cross-sectioned Udon. I don't want to brag, but its probably the best Udon I've ever eaten.

Teachers and Parents

The role of the teacher and the parent is very different in Japan. The biggest difference for me is blame. In the UK, if a child is misbehaving, we consider that the parents responsibility to correct the situation, in or out of class. Mostly, we believe it to be the parents fault as we should raise the child to have respect for adults and behave well.

Not so in Japan. Here it seems to be the teachers fault if the child is unruly. Teachers are responsible for the children. I was shocked at the festivals we had in my town, as the teachers have to act as chaperones to control and make sure the pupils behave, even though they are on weekends and evenings, its their responsibility. Where are the parents? The problem, I think, that also stems from this is the parents are also medalling. Maybe so in the UK, but the teachers seem very cautious about disciplining the students as if little Johnny goes home and tells his parents and that parent isn't happy, they will levy the PTA to get this teacher removed! I am shocked about how much students get away with in school; getting physical with teachers, talking back, reading books or manga in class and the worst for me, sleeping in class! Why aren't the parents sending these tired kids to bed at night?

So the parents expect the teachers to control their students, but they don't want them to discipline them! Anybody spot whats wrong with this picture?

It's Normal Now

I was talking to a fellow ALT about how the longer you stay here, the more 'normal' everything gets. And we started listing all the things that freaked us out in the first place but we have slowly acclimatised to. Here are just some of them:

Being able to leave your stuff, money, laptops, phones, unlocked cars anywhere and them still being there when you get back. - Normal

Not understand what the hell is going on for 90% of time. - Normal

Seeing your breath in your house as it's so cold – Normal (But I don't like it)

Always having good service. - Normal

Going in a public bath, outside, with a load of naked dudes. - Normal

People staring at you, constantly. - Normal

Pizza being expensive and sashimi being cheap. - Normal

Never being 200 meters from a vending machine. - Normal

Never getting a straight answer. - Normal

Men wearing trainers with suits. – Totally normal

Students sleeping in class. – Normal

Not really knowing what I'm eating. – Normal, normal, normal.

People wearing surgical masks, just casually. - Nooorrrmal.

The catch is, no matter how long I live in Japan, if I was here 20 years, had kids here, only spoke to Japanese people in flaunt Japanese etc., people will always tell me that I use chopsticks really well even though I've used them since I was a child and people will always look at me and think “Well, he must be a tourist.” I will always, still be a '外人' (foreigner) and treated 'different' as such. Sometimes in a good way, but sometimes in a not so good way, but always as a '外人' (foreigner).

Ogres Out, Happiness In

I exited the shower the other day to be faced with my a red ogre (鬼) throwing dried soya beans at me. It's one of those WTF Japan moments.

It was in fact my wife and it was for Setsubun (節分); a festival when Japanese people drive the evil spirits by throwing dried soya beans and making a small chant.